This post will not be pretty, artistic or in any way, appealing. Total honesty is the key right here and now.
Mom is so sick, 1/3 of her right lung and her small intentines have ceased to function, 4 tubes in her – yet her eyes are as bright as ever. No amount of pain or suffering that I will go through in this life (or the future) can amount to what she has gone through in these past 6 months.
Cancer tears people apart (from what I am experiencing). I have finally understood the meaning of ”you never know how strong you are until being strong is not an option’, or smth along that line. I do not feel broken, or sad, perhaps I have been preparing myself for the worse possible circumstances. But of course, when that day hits me, I can already visualize that it’ll be like a truck’s headlights in front of me. I think the people around me will be broken, and I’ve got to hold myself together in order to pick up the pieces for them. I can say with confidence that life is so good to me. My ground is held sturdy by the overwhelming number of friends that have given me their assurance. I do not know how much time I have left with mom. I do know that its too little to recall every good moment I have ever had with her, or to list the amount of regrets I have. I miss so many, too many, things. Yes, I am being a baby about this. But it still hurts all the same when I think about. I already miss her – but I know she will forever live in me.