Scale

The problem is not you. It’s me. Usually when guys like me, I’m fine. But this time I’m not, the reality is that I return those feelings. And it throws me off my scale entirely. It’s only been a few hours since I told you about my feelings, and now I’m more sure of them. Its a 70% right now.

But, what if I wake up tmr and its a 50%? or a 0%?

Everything is a fleeting moment, and so is love. Not that I’m establishing this as love, but for the lack of a better, more suitable word, let’s just use ‘love’.

Love is fleeting, scary, a torture, whatever negatives it can bring. But I know it can be, it is something beautiful as well. Because it is fleeting, it comes and goes. So would it be alright to say that no one loves another at all waking hours of their life? Because people are flawed, the loving and beloved aren’t always loving and beloved right? These are questions I want answered, and I’m sure you can tell what answer I’m hoping to hear.

Now to put that in terms of my ‘situation’, I want him to understand that maybe I can never, at all times, be 100% sure of my feelings, neither can I ‘love’ him at all times. There are bound to be days, weeks, maybe months of stillness, or maybe even friction. During those times, can we go through that together? Basically, days when we’re more lovers than friends and days when we’re more friends than lovers, I guess I fear what those days bring along and what they might lead to.

Taking into considerations the one of the few guidelines I’ve made for myself when it comes to companionship, it’s too soon to say that we’ll….. marry…. That word is hilarious. I now understand why adults all tell me that I’m still young. It’s true. I am, and I can’t see this into the future yknow?

In all honesty, things are too rushed. Right? I think its a little too early to have to establish these feelings, though its a constant torture not knowing what this is, but it just may be too early. I should have thought fucking twice when I asked, then again, I was high so…. yeap.

Status. Fucking statuses. Where do we stand? I have no clue, no clue at all. I’m cool with it, I just need to know and understand your definition of the various statuses.

I’ve got many fears, so many when it comes to people, relationships and love. So many, but logically thinking, it makes no sense worrying or wondering over them right?

How you make me feel like a 14 years old girl sickens and melts me. I cringe because I feel 14 and at the peak of my adolescent or something experiencing new emotions for the first time. Basically, I cringe at how pleasing this feels. Yeah.

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