Um, its 10:43pm over here on this lil’ tropical island. So many things and people are running through my head and I dont have that powerful English to put everything into words and allow you to comprehend every single piece of shit I’m going through right now. But please do (I beg) give me a break?
Or maybe I should give myself a break?
Lets begin with people. 4 people are going through my head, 3 boys and 1 girl, all of different story and meaning to me.
1 boy that at this very moment is at the top of my list because well, we click. We can connect and although all I know of him are his words and promises (being a person with trust issues and pessimist), I somehow feel from my gut that he’s one to keep. Not to mention, I miss him. His carefree ways and encouragement.
On to the second boy.
I like him, not in that way that you’re thinking but he’s such a lovely friend. Somewhat the same connection as the first but of course, all connections with every individual is different right? I’m beginning to think I’m hurting him, that my natural behavior isn’t much of help to him? I I dont know how to handle this and I really wish there was a guidebook out there sold in some random bookshop
Now the third boy, another nice guy. But I’ve heard so much of him, observed much of him that I can’t quite come to a conclusion? Somewhat along those lines… I like to think that he’s not quite settled on the inside. Yet again, why aren’t there guidebooks for this?
Now, the girl. I miss her? Or maybe what was of her.. To say she’s changed may be incorrect but I can’t quite say she’s the same? But you see, I don’t freaking know!! I’ve always felt odd around her. Yes, we connect. Yes, we click. But somehow, for quite some
time already, I’ve always felt out of place around her… But I still want her in my life. She’s helped me grow, watched me grow. It saddens me much to my core because I don’t think I love her the same way as I did before. I wonder how she is..
Of late, I’ve been thinking about this abomination called love. Somehow I feel as if… I’ve got love to give but I’ve not found the right person to channel it to. Gosh, that was the most I could do to describe how I feel to allow you to comprehend me but I don’t think it even came close.
I’ve also realised how sentimental a person I am towards words/pictures etc. There was a part in a book I read a few months back which spoke up detachment. The ability to detach from things and allow yourself to drift and concentrate on other things in life because life is too short to be wasting our energy on the past. I think I need to reread that book and at the same time, I shall tell myself that maybe all these things were meant to go and for something new to come in.
Maybe all these weird shit is a sign to get connected with God again or…. its just a treat from my monthly visitor